Found stuff

Ideas for torturing an unwelcome roommate...

1. I would host cock fighting matches in the garage. Long spur style, of course.
2. I would have unprotected sex with homeless, French whores suffering from Tourettes
Syndrome on his Bowflex. This would be after he catches me scrubbing the toilet with his
toothbrush.
3. I would buy the world’s loudest vibrator because, “Sometimes at night I really need to get off
to burn off some of my energy since I have a lot of it!” *
4. I would cook pork, and the next day ask, “Uh, you’re a doctor. So what are the first signs of
trichinosis?” *
5. We would have live oysters for dinner every night, cause nothing is more satisfying than
shucking 60 or 70 wet oysters. Peanut brittle for dessert.
6. I would learn to sing to whales. From my bedroom.
7. I would learn Urdu from a series of lessons on tape. So would my Urdu-speaking cats. *
8. Beekeeping. Killer beekeeping.
9. I would line my room with cellphane, chalkboards, styrofoam and bubble wrap.
10. I would become hooked on hydroponics. *
11. Three words: One man band.
12. I would cook blackened, Cajun chicken while reciting Molière and playing Renaissance dance
music at full volume. The recipe would come from a magazine. *
13. I would buy shoes made of rough-cut glass and replace the carpet with sheet metal.
14. I would sleep in a hammock made by silkworms.
15. Howler monkeys are not on the list, so I assume those are acceptable pets.
16. I would learn home dentistry and practice with the drill on squirrels.
17. I would start a home balloon-tying business and talk with helium.
18. I would wear chainmail bathrobes.
19. I would take up Primal Scream Therapy.
20. Randomly, I would require a lengthy and forceful exorcism.

These were ideas left on another blog, I think, I've had it for sometime and lost track of where I got it.

Thoughts